Katie broke up with me last month. She said she just wasn't feeling like we were right and she didn't want to be with me. I won't lie, it kinda blindsided me and I was an emotional mess. She really broke my heart but I never stopped loving her and I don't think I ever will. I had to grow up a lot for that relationship and I was ready to spend my life with her. I can't believe I almost got married. But she's made up her mind. All I ever really wanted was for her to be happy. I feel so selfish for thinking that I could be her happiness. And now I'm just trying my best to move on too. I have come to realize that I am a complete person on my own. She let me see that I had it in me to love and care for someone so deeply and I thank her for that. Though I can't help but feel like damaged goods now.

My artwork has taken a big hit since I'm just totally demotivated and uninspired. I've decided to resume grad school and re-enrolled after a 2 year hiatus. I only have 12 credits left I believe, so I should be done in two or three semesters. But I'm getting sick of computer science and engineering and I think I want to try my hand at law or criminal justice. So many of my friends have gotten their law degrees, it really makes me want to pursue that avenue as well. Part of me also wants to try opening my own business so I should probably do an MBA, but I also want to go to culinary school. Oh man I feel like I'm gonna be in school forever if I don't focus on something.

I'm getting back into dude stuff again, playing sports and doing martial arts. My friend Kelly and I are taking kickboxing for the summer. I personally wanted to do BJJ but she's not too into it, so I'll take those after she leaves in the fall for Europe. I'm also going to Europe with her in the fall but only for a week or two while she does grad school there. I've always wanted to go across the Atlantic so I should take advantage of things while I'm still young. I'm really just looking for stuff to keep me occupied and keep my mind off of things. I've been hitting the gym hardcore and got back down to a size 30 pants and my shoulders are getting too big again. Time for new clothes = shopping spree!

My coworkers got me into e-trading on Zecco. I tried to jump on the Visa IPO but couldn't get any shares for $80, so I rashly did some options trading. Let me just say that options trading is an EASY way to lose thousands in a matter of minutes :< Epic fail. I was hoping to make enough money to get contractors to redo my backyard. I want a brick patio where I can have grilling parties throughout summer. Now I think I will need to go traffic blow to make that much.

I think an annual beach week is necessary from now on. A few of my friends have said they'll do it too, so we're going to try to rent a beach house in South Beach. As long as we can avoid hurricanes, it'll be cool. Anyone gonna be in Miami late July/early August? I haven't road tripped in years.

I'm not sure what to do with myself these days. Facebook is an awesome tool for finding events to go to in DC. But I find myself mindlessly wandering bars and clubs. I know there's something missing in my life now but I won't find it anytime soon. Maybe I do lead quite a dull uneventful life, going to work each day, doing the same routine... rinse and repeat. But I guess that's everyday life and it needs to be done.